❤️An Amazing Day with Terra, let me Explain!
Walking in Spirit with my Wife, she Passed Away in August 2022’, but Lives with me Still…..
As many of my followers know my beautiful wife Terra passed away in August 2022’ after a courageous fight with numerous medical conditions but it was the failing kidney that ended her life here on earth. But the idea that our loved ones live with us in spirit is something that I’ve been not just believing, but am actively practicing. That’s what this substack is about, and yesterday was a beautiful day in that practice, enjoy? ❤
️Living in Deep Gratitude with the Memories of Terra and what she did for me. Blessed
First it’s important you understand who I am before I articulate exactly what this little beautiful warrior did for me. My name is in fact Steve Emery, I am a landscaper and also run a sober living facility in Prescott, Arizona, where I help men get and stay sober. It was in fact Prescott where I myself entered into
treatment in 2011 for my own addictions and alcoholism. My childhood was peppered with sexual abuse and extremely poor decision making on my part which lead to over 30 years of hard drug use, drug dealing, criminal activity and mental health issues. Last Sunday I celebrated 13 years clean and sober. 🙏 So to say i never really experienced true love is an understatement, having been kicked out of the house as a minor I really lacked the feeling of being part of something that resembled, or even felt like, a family. But deep inside it’s what I think I really just wanted my whole life. To just feel loved and to be part of something special but unfortunately I didn’t have the coping skills and simply couldn’t get off the drugs, I was a mess!
In 2014 that all changed, I was sober and met Terra and her beautiful daughter Anna
In 2014 I met Terra and got the courage to ask out to coffee, she agreed but only if she can take her daughter, I immediately knew she wasn’t a pushover and that family was important to her, and i liked it. We had breakfast and I apparently got the green light from Anna, who was 11 years old then, to start dating her mom. In 2016 I asked her to marry me and she said yes, that’s the first picture on this thread, she’s showing the camera her engagement ring at Watson Lake. They moved in with me and I was now in a position to start being part of little family. Truly blessed. Anna had no father figure in her life, he had ran out on Terra after he got her pregnant so I was also put in a position to be a father figure. All the things I’ve always wanted was now in my life. But with life comes difficulties?
Terra suffers from serious cerebral palsy and it got progressively worse to where walking was becoming a difficult challenge. Having already lost one kidney when she was younger her donated kidney started going out too. Terra started dialysis and it just wasn’t helping.
For eight years we all did our best to stay loving to each other but with Terra slipping away and getting worse it was an extremely sad and difficult thing to watch. The feeling of powerlessness was overwhelming and I hated that I couldn’t fix this situation no matter my efforts. Anna graduated high school with a 4.0 GPA and shortly after Terra passed away.
I am still trying my best to be a father figure to Anna who lives with her boyfriend in Arizona and we communicate and visit and she is well considering she lost her best friend. My life today is one of continued grieving and regret of all the things I wish I would have said and done which is normal for someone who lost their soul mate. It’s not abnormal. And this is where this article makes it point. After a year of grieving I thought maybe I should start dating and move on but that’s not what happened.
I took a female friend of mine to dinner and a movie and after a few weeks of seeing each other I gave this woman a kiss and that’s when I realized, this isn’t Terra, this is not my wife. It wasn’t right! Nothing about it felt right. To say that was an awkward moment and probably a crappy one for this lady is putting it lightly, I pulled back and just sat in thought as she stared at me like, what? 😂
Since that awkward day I have chosen to continuing honoring my wife Terra and be content with the years of beautiful romance she has given me, the countless memories, good and bad, and the gift of a family she provided me and am very content with that love that is her’s and obviously, her’s alone. That makes me happy and brings me joy. I buy her flowers that sit on my dresser near her picture with her engagement ring and cards and stuff. I always brought her flowers when she was alive and figured if she is alive and well in me in spirit then I assume she still enjoys getting flowers?
Yesterday was a powerful day for us, her essence was so strong, the right songs on the radio speaking to me and the feeling of being with her in spirit was just like she was right next to me all day. I talk to her still, make jokes, imagine her being there and for me, right now, that’s plenty enough for this Patriot. Thank you Terra for everything. You made my life complete with your love and courage and I can’t imagine being with anyone else. Until we meet again sweetheart, love you
Beautiful love story❤️ although it’s heartbreaking to lose someone so dear, we can cherish their memories and know you have been blessed to be touched with a strong love that some people never get to experience 🙏💕🕊️✨
Dear Steve, I have to say that was one of the most beautiful and heartfelt things I've ever read. We all go through trails in life some of us more than others in this broken world....it shapes us and makes us who we are. So glad you shared your beautiful wife with us.❤️❤️❤️
God bless you.